Control

Lately I have had to come up against the topic of control.  The word means different things to different people, but ultimately, everyone wants control of their own lives. Sometimes that includes control of others, resources, and of course that can escalate from an esoteric idea of control to a full blown crisis.

When you think about it though, we don’t really control very much. When you wake up in the morning, you don’t know what the weather is going to be outside. You don’t know if someone is going to punch you in the face before you even have your first cup of coffee. You go through the day and you can’t predict your workflow or how people are always going to treat you. We all know that we CAN control HOW we deal with the situations that are dealt us. We can be the victim. We can change our attitudes. We can look at the transient nature of life and decide to embrace it.

But what about other people? Think about the people who you live with. Think about your family. Your spouse. Your boyfriend. Now think back to the last twenty four hours. When was the last time you tried to control someone?

I know that most of you are probably recoiling at the thought. “Hrrmffph! I would NEVER try to control someone else.” Oh yeah? Really?

Really.

Here’s where things get dicey when it comes to control. You are in full control of the choices you make and how you want to live your life. Even if you aren’t “100% there yet” you still have control of the direction your life is going. So what happens when we bump into someone saying, doing, or simply EXISTING in a way we don’t like? Usually most of us don’t go around angrily kicking each other or screaming so loud we spit on each other at business meetings. No, instead, it’s usually quite subtle.

Someone parks in your spot. When someone uses your bathroom, they put the toilet paper on the “wrong” way. Someone does something you would never do. Someone engages in behavior that bothers you.

So you comment on the parking spot. You argue about the right way to stick the toilet paper roll on the hook. (or whatever). You suggest to someone that they might want to approach life “a little differently.” You make passive aggressive comments about someone’s diet or exercise or lack thereof.

When we lack control in a situation, we generally as humans try to find ways to correct it. BUT WHY?! Why do we want and feel that we have a need to control a situation or person or place or thing?

Control makes us feel like we matter.

I’m guilty of this as much as the other person. When I was younger it was a lot worse. My budding type A personality would not settle for anything less than an A, and the solution was usually just work harder for better results. That sufficed for a long time. But that doesn’t always work. Feeling in control is great, but what about when you think you are in control and an outcome is created that is less than desirable?

I have found that when I am at my happiest is when I let go of control. It is tempting to attempt to control people and situations in our lives, but in reality we can’t really do that. If we just let go of the idea that we can make others do what we want through sheer will power, a burden is instantly lifted.

          business

                 I appreciate quotes like these because it’s a reminder that not only do you not have to justify yourself to others, but the same applies for others and yourself. Just because you are a family member or best friend or spouse of someone, does not mean that you can run their lives. Telling and suggesting someone what to do may seem like a harmless thing, but over time, it causes more harm than good.

                Instead, worry about yourself. Put your best energy out there. LIVE YOUR DREAM. Set the example. Because when others are ready for change, they will feel and be pulled towards the impact you are creating. But it’s when they are ready. And some people will fall out of your life. But the ones who really matter will stick around. And new people will keep coming.

                This applies to the entertainment industry as well. So many people think that worrying about a role or a project and how it will be perceived will actually control the outcome. In reality it just ties you in knots and keeps you from focusing on your joy and the present moment. So put yourself out there. Be in control of your emotions and what you project. But as for the rest?

Let-it-Go_0

                I needed to remind myself of this today. So I thought I would remind you too. Remember, we can’t control anyone or anything except for who we are in the world. And that’s the best and only type of control we should ever really want. Because when you take care of yourself, everything else falls into place.

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“How does one b…

“How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” – Trina Paulus

I think it can be easy to read a lot of “positive” quotes and not really think about them. You say, “Oh that’s nice” and stick it to your fridge without giving it much thought and probably not really noticing it again.

Have you ever read a quote that stopped you solid in your tracks because you it resonated with exactly what you were experiencing inside?  Those are the times when we finally understand the quotes that we have read over and over and over and have just mistaken for some sort of slogan that gets slapped on a mug or bumper sticker.

I was listening to an “On Being” podcast with David Hartman who said that any sort of epiphany that human beings have, it can’t really be done through being told about it or reading something many times over.  Instead, it’s through experience.  When the experience comes, understanding follows.  The quotes and texts then start to make more sense and illuminate the experience better and vice versa.

I knew I was ready for some really fresh and wonderful change this year when it hit me that the burden of hanging onto my old thought patterns, ways of pursuing work and the way I viewed the world in general, was becoming too heavy to carry around.  The moment, truly the exact moment that i finally decided once and for all (and not half assed like I have done before in spats of pseudo optimistic glints) to let it  go (you just thought of Frozen), I instantly became lighter.  I finally gave myself permission to be 100% happy with my new choice and since then, there is no going back.

Sometimes in iife we are offered the very thing we have always wanted.  We can choose to take it, experience it, and go back to the mundane safety of our everyday lives, or we can decide to rise above where we’ve been and be even better and bring more of what we want into our lives.  

A good friend of mine went through a similar experience in which he had to let go of all of the people in his life who kept putting him down.  They were insecure about his success and so they tried to knock him back into the level of familiarity they had all safely clung to for so long.  When he decided to finally let them go, his life improved and even more success flowed in.  

The same theme repeats itself.  Why stay miserable and unsuccessful for the sake of comfort, when there’s a whole world out there waiting for you to grasp it and make something of your life?

These are the thoughts I had the other morning when I read this quote.  I was drinking my coffee and as my eyes trailed across the words, I froze.  I was there.  I knew exactly what this meant and that I had a decision to make.  And so I did.

I have actually never read this quote before!  I had read the one about the world being over and becoming a butterfly but I think that quote MISSES THE POINT!  You have to CHOOSE to become the butterfly.  But you can’t get something new in your life until you make room for it by clearing out the old.  Ya feel me?

Cue Pharrell Williams.