Auditions are so freaking weird.
Sometimes, you step inside an audition room, shake hands with the casting director, or writer, or director, or assistant, and you hit it off. It’s amazing! You just know that this person GETS you. You sparkle, you shine, and bam, you leave with that euphoric high. You feel like one of the damn princesses from a Disney movie. And you do something else with your day, gushing to everyone you talk to. “I NAILED IT!” “THEY LOVED ME!” “I KNEW THE SECOND I WALKED In the part was mine..my PRECIOUS.”
And you don’t get a call.
And you still don’t get a call.
You go, okay, I get it, I’m not gonna get a call. You stare at your desk calendar, and you decide to let it go. Whatevs, you didn’t want it that badly anyway.
AND THEN YOU DO GET THE CALL!
Or you don’t. Hmm.
But that makes no sense!
Then there’s the alternative. You walk into the audition room, pissed at yourself for having too much caffeine, shaking and smiling, lips stuck to your teeth…you shuffle in, sit and wait. And you wait. And you wait some more. You stop drinking water because it’s not keeping your mouth from getting any drier. And other people seem so confident and are faking polite conversation to each other, and talking WAY more loudly in an overarticulated way so everyone can hear them. You really want to lean over and say, “If you think you are doing a good job acting right now, you should probably get out now.” But you don’t. You read the script, scribble in some pencil, try to blot out the noisy actors with the neon sign that reads “HIRE ME” hanging above their heads. And you wait. And you look at the clock on your cell phone and you give up.
And you wait and FINALLY…FINALLY it is YOUR turn. You walk in. The CD doesn’t look at you. The assistant gives you some weird directions that she has obviously repeated so many times she doesn’t realize how much she is mumbling. You pretend you heard what she said. You stare down at your heels, try to plant your feet as firmly into the carpet as possible, standing perfectly on your mark. You read. You become self-aware that you are reading. You have an out of body experience. Everyone’s faces are completely blank. You come back to yourself, and somehow can’t say the word “nectarines,” which you are pretty sure you’ve been able to say since you were a child. You stumble through the rest of your audition. The assistant thanks you for your time, and you leave. You feel the rest of the day hanging over you, mocking you for your bring defeat upon yourself.
“HAHAHAHAHAH!” says the day. “Maybe you SHOULD be more like those obnoxious actors who just graduated from college and think they know everything. At least THEY are going to get a part!” And out into the rain you march, letting the cool city wind bring your temperature down. You feel the disgust swelling inside of you.
“How did this happen?” You hear yourself think. The day and all of the looming thoughts that are going to greet you with it, are squeezing you like a vice.
“We’ll tell you how this happened! You aren’t a good actor. YOU SUCK!!!!!”
You try to fight it off, but you feel like one of the losers, one of the bad guys in a Greek play. The furies are out to get you and you can’t deny it.
It starts raining…
You decide to forget about the audition.
Then one day, weeks later, while you are shoving Mexican food into your mouth, out with friends, you get a phone call.
You got the part.
YOU GOT THE PART! HOW DID YOU GET THE PART!?
You don’t get the part.
Wait…But that doesn’t make sense.
What the hell kind of point am I trying to make here??
I have no clue. All I know is, auditions are weird! Sometimes you know what’s going to happen. Sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you have the best audition you’ve given in weeks, and you still don’t get the part.
Like I’ve said before, the trick is to rise above the negativity. Let it go. SHINE your brightest, be your best, ignore the people who are trying to bring you down, and kick ass as much as you can.
Just remember…don’t want it so bad that you can’t let it go. Don’t want it so bad that you see red for days until you get a call. Don’t want it so bad that you forget the reason you are an actor.
I’ve learned things the wrong way, the right way, and my way. Everyone has to face their auditions differently. I don’t think there’s a magic formula for nailing every one. Sometimes you get streaks, sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you work regularly.
Other times, you lose one opportunity only to thank GOD that you DID lose it so you are able to do something even better.
My mom has always said to me in a cheery voice, “It’s okay if you don’t get this. It just means something better is just around the corner.”
And you know what? She’s always right.